The Greatest Football Movie Roster
It’s Kick-off for another NFL season! The perfect time to put together the ultimate film football roster. I’m only focusing on a starting 22 offense and defense, with a backup Quarterback and a kicker, punter, and return specialist.
I am only picking from movies not television as well as movies not based on any truth. So no; Remember the Titans, Friday Night Lights, or any other football film inspired by or based on any truth.
Head Coach – Tony D’Amato (Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday)
Old, grizzled, and tired. Tony has the years and wisdom to command respect from his players. He would never have to yell to get any attention from his players. Plus, he makes the worst Jambalaya east of the Mississippi River.
Offense:
Starting Quarterback – Willie “Steamin’” Beamen (Jamie Foxx in Any Given Sunday)
His extremely cocky but has the goods to back It up. He could gain 40 yards with his feet or a bomb with equal skill. The complete package as a dual-threat QB.
Back-up Quarterback – Paul Crewe (Burt Reynolds in The Longest Yard (1974))
With a dual-threat Quarterback, you should have a back-up with the same style so you don’t need two playbooks. Burt’s Paul Crewe has the wheels gaining nearly 100 yards in a single drive. He could also provide veteran leadership to Willie.
Running Back – Wendell Brown (Eilel Swinton in Varsity Blues)
A workhorse who can provide security as an every down back. However, he may get frustrated with the workload playing with a mobile quarterback.
Wide Receiver – Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry Maguire)
How was Rod Tidwell struggling to be shown the money when he put up almost 1,200 yards and seven touchdowns on only 77 receptions? He was averaging 15.5 yards per catch. That’s insane! Rod and Willie would be an unstoppable duo.
Wide Receiver – Charlie Tweeder (Scott Caan in Varsity Blues)
If he can stay out of trouble, in the time of Me Too he’s not long for this world, but if can keep himself clean Charlie would make a solid slot receiver. Like Wes Welker or Julian Edleman.
Wide Receiver – Jimmy Sanderson (Bill Bellamy in Any Given Sunday)
His mantra “I’m the greatest receiver who ever lived” seems to work for him. Posing as the opposite side to Tidwell as a deep threat Jimmy will have time to repeat his mantra on deep post routes.
Tight End – Phillip Elliot (Nick Nolte in North Dallas Forty)
I know his traditional position is as a wide receiver. But dubbed “the best hands in the game” and given the speed of Jimmy and Rod, Phillip could be a nice security blanket for Willie when he gets into trouble. Plus he’ll provide veteran leadership on offense.
Center – Manumana (Peter Navy Tuiasosopo in Necessary Roughness)
A man so nice he’ll pancake you with a smile. He will be a nice presence in the locker room and will always be encouraging. He exemplifies true leadership on and off the field, he’d be an easy candidate for the Walter Payton Man of the Year award.
Right Guard – Jamal Jackson (Faizon Love in The Replacements)
Left Guard – Andre Jackson (Michael Taliferro in The Replacements)
Because they’re always together and come from the same film I figured why not write about them together. Jamal and Andre will have their QBs back without question. You might just need someone to teach them some firearm laws and training to keep them out of trouble.
Right Tackle – Ice Man (Jim Nicholson in The Longest Yard (1974))
You’ll need to ask for a legal name to place on the back of his jersey, and sort out a work program. But he’s a tackle who could charge upfield and provide downfield blocking when Willie takes off running or on designed runs.
Left Tackle – O.W. Shaddock (John Matuszak in North Dallas Forty)
A mean Left Tackle that will keep Willie’s jersey spotless. I couldn’t pick his tackle partner Joe Bob Priddy because he’d be a P.R. and legal nightmare. O.W. will be only a terror on the field. He and Beamen may not have much in common off-field, but they’ll be on the same page on the field.
Defense:
On defense, I am running a basic 4-3.
Defensive End – Charles Jefferson (Forest Whitaker in Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
A maniac on defense, his High School team is practically built around him. With no other worries than killing the quarterback, you can send him every down. The other team will just have to pray.
Defensive End – Samson (Richard Kiel in The Longest Yard (1974))
On the opposite end of the line is a completely different style of DE. Samson is not fast but standing at 7’ 3” 350lbs Samson is a terrific pass disrupter. He’ll also be a brick wall against opposing running backs. Just watch out, he may break someone’s neck.
Defensive Tackle – Andre Krimm (Sinbad in Necessary Roughness)
Another veteran for the inside line. Krimm may not be the youngest or fastest, but he will provide security and leadership along the defensive line. Moreover, he’s a good dude to have around.
Defensive Tackle – Lawrence (John Goodman in Everybody’s All-American)
Coming from the 1950s Lawrence may struggle in the modern game, mainly with his racism. His gambling may be more of a problem. But if you can get these two things in order he and Krimm will be an immovable force in the interior.
Outside Linebacker – Thad Castle (Alan Ritchson in Blue Mountain State: The Rise of Thadland)
Because they made a Blue Mountain State movie these characters are technically available to be picked. Thad may appear unstable, but he is 100% stable on the field. You’ll always get 110% from Thad as well as a great team player. He always puts his team first.
Outside Linebacker – Alvin Mack (Duane Davis in The Program)
Off the field, Alvin Mack is an exemplary person, community leader, polite, and intelligent. On the field, he’s the opposite, probably the biggest shit-talker on the team. Alvin puts the fear of God into his opponents with words before the snap and hard hits after.
Middle Linebacker – Luther “Shark” Lavay (Lawrence Taylor in Any Given Sunday)
Probably the oldest veteran on the team Luther has seen it all. He knows the game of football inside and out. His football IQ is off the charts and he has the athleticism to match. He’s the kind of player that is a fan favorite and a leader in the locker room.
Cornerback – Stefen Djordjevic (Tom Cruise in All the Right Moves)
So, cornerback is not a prevalent position covered in movies. At least not in any fictional films. One film that is less about football and more of a coming-of-age film is All the Right Moves. Stefen may be small but we believe in him, mainly because he’s all we have.
Cornerback – Larry Summers (Omari Newton in Blue Mountain State: The Rise of Thadland)
Being able to use the Blue Mountain State movie means, I can fill both Corner positions. Larry Summers is Thad’s right-hand man. Thad’s concern is Larry’s concern. Thad puts his team first; Larry puts his team first. Yes, the corner position is my team’s weak point.
Strong Safety – Gavin “The Ghost” Grey (Dennis Quaid in Everybody’s All-American)
One thing I couldn’t understand is Gavin playing Running Back. He has a solid career but nothing like he did in College, even playing both sides of the ball. His college legend-defining play was on defense.
He jumps over the line and sacks the quarterback causing a fumble, which he eventually returns for a touchdown after a lateral from Lawrence, who recovered. Gavin’s timing was like Troy Polamalu and if he could covert that to the Pros he would be unstoppable.
Free Safety – Earl Wilkerson (Michael Jace in The Replacements)
Our corners can be lacing when we have “The Ghost” and Earl Wilkerson at the safety positions. Earl is a menace on quarterbacks. He’ll cover the entire field as if there are two of him. Just have to keep him out of legal trouble…Michael Jace as well for that matter.
Special Teams:
Place Kicker – Lucy Draper (Kathy Ireland in Necessary Roughness)
If you want a good kicker always, go to the soccer fields. It was a toss-up between Lucy and Nigel for this spot; however, we won’t have to worry about gambling with Lucy. Always consistent we can rely on her in the big moments.
Punter – Nigel Gruff (Rhys Ifans in The Replacements)
Nigel could still do gambling damage from the punting position but not as badly. If he gets out of line Lucy can always fill in for him. If he stays on the straight and narrow, Nigel could place the opposition in a deep starting position with each punt.
Kick & Punter Return Specialist – Darnell Jefferson (Omar Epps in The Program)
He’s small and fast. Perfect for returning kicks and punts. Though I’ll be honest, I don’t fully understand the new kickoff rules. However, if he cannot use his speed in these moments he’ll make a great situational back.
